Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Wil Wheaton is pissed off. And i can't really blame him. Some movies should probably not be remade. But the thing is... Is Rocky Horror one of them? I mean yeah, it eMpTy V, so they are likely to fuck it up, but that doesn't mean it can't be done right.

Oh, but all remakes suck anyway right? The original is always better. Of course, in the case of John Carpenter's "The Thing" the remake is more of a classic than the original, but hey, this is John Carpenter we're talkin' about... Even if I actually did prefer Rob Zombie's version of "Halloween"...

**ducks the various heavy, sharp and occasionally flaming objects thrown my way**

No! Really! Rob Zombie's version actually tries to examine what can turn a kid into a monster, a mix of bullying abuse, and perhaps screwed up genetics. Carpenter's version only provided an "explanation" tying Michael to a Celtic death god called "Samhain" (and pronounced as Sam Hane).

Problem being, the Celts never worshipped such a Deity. Samhain (pronounced Sow-ain) is a harvest festival, the final of the year, and a night when the land of living and dead are closer than usual, thus a good time to celebrate friends and family who passed on before you.

Zombie skips the supernatural explanation, Michael Myers is just a big, tough, crazy, homicidal son of a bitch, who really loves his little sister.

Isn't that enough?

Remakes don't automatically suck, even when the source material is widely and properly considered classic.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show, probably can be remade in a way that would work. One way may be to play it straight.

Well "straight" may not be the right word, but deadpan. Dump the music, have some maniac like Warren Ellis redo the script. Keep the story, but present it as a sci-fi/horror thriller with both homo and hetero-erotic overtones.

Make it serious and creepy on the surface, with almost subliminal references to the original thrown in.

Heh... Who am I kidding? I am probably the only person in the world who would like that...

Yeah, eMpTy V is likely to screw RHPS up badly... but hell, it just might regenerate interest in the original.

Hell, the news got me checking online for the local cast... Alas, the info shown is for the theater that closed a couple of years ago.


  1. I'd definitely watch that version (though "playing it straight" is indeed an unfortunate choice of words there). But wait -- how is it no one's made that mashup for Youtube yet, the original recut to look like a Real Scary Movie? Probably too well-lit and candy-colored; Richard O'Brien's music wasn't the only cheestastic aspect of the production. OTOH, it would suck ***so*** much less than MTV's version, which you just know will turn out like High School Musical in a blender. Which would be a fine place to store HSM, yes.

    (I will, however, require Tim Curry and Barry Bostwick as voiceover narrators, preferably unreliable and arguing. And I wouldn't kick if it were Rob Zombie helming the thing, actually. Man does quality work.)

    (Yes, finally I post a comment!)

  2. Hell, Cast Curry and/or Bostwick in Criminologist type roles, but investigating the aftermath.

    Heh, i wonder if Richard O'Brien would be annoyed enough at the MTV version to help with a Zombie directed/ Ellis written adaptation of the sort... Warren Ellis has even been writing for the screen recently, having gotten dragged into doing a animated reboot of G.I. Joe of all things... The shorts apparently coming out this fall.

    And it amuses me to think of one of the scariest looking but maybe sanest men in hollywood working with the comics writer who is maybe the closest thing to Hunter S Thompson still writing.

    That man is even more caffeine fueled than i am...

  3. You say "caffeine-fueled" like it was a BAD thing. Tch! There is, BTW, a Firefly-themed coffeeshop in my new neighborhood. They're selling Browncoat lanyards as a fundraiser for Equality Now. I am gonna be so happy caffeinating in there...

    (And you didn't just see that "new neighborhood" thing... gonna blog about that in a day or two, but I want some photos first... it really has been a wild summer here, new-tattoo wild, a designation which I believe needs no further explanation in this place, no?)

    Considering O'Brien's original inspiration for RHPS, I'm guessing he'd be more than pleased to work with Zombie at the very least -- the showmanship, the appreciation for the early stuff, the sense of humor -- what's not to like? I always wanted to see his cabaret act; he was in NYC some years back but I was *utterly* broke back then and had to go easy on tickets to fun. If memory serves it was a choice between seeing O'Brien and seeing Harvey Fierstein in a very small venue -- really, you can't say there even *was* a wrong choice to be made.

    GI Joe? Screw that. I'm still sulking that Ellis's Hellblazer run wasn't years long. As a matter of fact I do *not* let things go...

  4. Oh, but can't you just imagine what Warren Ellis can do to that franchise?

    The only limits he mentioned Hasbro putting on him was keeping it more or less pg-13 and not wiping Beijing off the face of the planet... Moscow being ok.

    And o'Brein working with Rob Zombie... Heh, if not RHPS, then the two of them doing an original musical/rock opera blending their styles... The type of thing critics would hate, until 5 years later when it has "official" cult status and they loved it all along.